
Our broadcaster for television in Nashville was Comcast. We didn’t realize how lucky we were. I was recently back there with my daughter and her family, only to be reminded of how easy and sensible it is to navigate Comcast’s menus and access to streaming services; the Guide is sectioned into similar programs, one can scroll by full pages and surprise, surprise, the programs are numbered! So easy, you remember programs by their number; punch them in for instant access.
Not so here! Figuring out the access sequences, even for local stations is harder than quantum mechanics! Even the remote devices that come with the programming can range from having virtually nothing on them, to a Texas Instruments Scientific Calculator! But after a year, as a reasonably intelligent human being, I’ve figured out a way to get to the various platforms – tedious though it is to skip through the TV guide one program at a time; why is it the ones I want to watch are always at the end of the list?
Then there are the names of these programs; new, modern zippy-sounding names that don’t necessarily reflect what they do or show. ROKU, HULU (not dance lessons), FANDANGO (same), FUBO, SLING, PHILO (nothing to do with baking), PLUTO (not astronomy), TUBI, KWELLI, CRUNCHYROLL (wtf?) – I think there are over 125 in all.
It purports to be cheaper than paying for a full-service provider like Comcast or, here locally, Hargray (who, by the way, are changing their name to Sparklight following a merger) who previously were hard to access and kept people in the dark! Cheaper, that is, if you only watch their programs but life isn’t like that; just when you spot a movie that you’re breaking your neck to see, you must cough up for another subscription, pay per view or rent. It’s easy to forget the pain of payment as the pleasure of watching what you want, when you want it gratifies the moment. But then it’s like ‘the tax man cometh’, tapping you on the shoulder for your money after your frivolous frolicking through filmdom! It’s tough to stay disciplined with the cornucopia offered all around. You likely end up spending more money than before.
Entering a ‘First Month Free’ agreement is even more insidious as you forget that kick-in date passes and your agreement stipulates that your commitment for a year is automatically accepted by not canceling by the month’s due date.
Do I want to go back to the days of watching a 19” screen secreted with a magnificent piece of faux regency furniture? Of course not. The thought of getting up to turn a knob to change the channel to one of 5 others before sitting down again seems totally absurd. Even worse – playing with the ‘rabbit ears’ to tune in to an elusive channel and obviate the snow that plagued so many transmissions being equally ridiculous.
I’m sure, given time, that I could come up with a few names for specialized TV platforms; cooking could be EATME, sports – KICKASS, weather – JIMCANTORI’S FOOLISHNESS er, oh, sorry SUNNYUP, Comedy – LARF, music – TOONS. You get the picture. You could have some real fun in the adult-only category!!
Meanwhile Terry and I will indulge in our rather unseemly addiction to spy thrillers and revenge movies. The trouble is it’s now becoming harder to separate fiction from the everyday. Thereby hangs another excuse for one of my harangs!